The Fifth Day of Christmas at SBPDL- Not Getting Air Jordan XI

Have you seen the Christmas classic, Jingle All the Way? The film is all about finding that perfect toy for Christmas and yet, when the nefarious God of supply and demand steps in to annihilate those seemingly wonderful plans before they come to fruition, hilarity ensues:

"Howard Langston (Arnold Schwarzenegger) is a workaholic mattress salesman, who has a hard time finding time for his wife, Liz (Rita Wilson) and his young son, Jamie (Jake Lloyd) - especially when compared to next door superdad divorce, Ted Maltin (Phil Hartman). After breaking his word again by missing Jamie's karate grading (from yellow to purple), Howard resolves to redeem himself and his marriage by fulfilling Jamie's ultimate Christmas wish, an action figure of Turbo-Man, a popular children's TV superhero.

Unfortunately, as is the habit with him, Howard had promised to buy that figure earlier that year and then promptly forgotten about it. To make things even harder, Turbo-Man toys are the must-have gifts of the season, and stocks of Turbo-Man toys are quickly drying up all over the country. Desperate not to disappoint his family again, Howard embarks on an epic quest through Minneapolis on Christmas Eve to find the toy everyone's looking for."

This year, Black people across the nation found themselves in the unfortunate situation that Arnold's fictitious character was presented with, as the Turbo Man doll was substituted for the real-life dilemma of locating precious Air Jordan XI:

"The new Space Jam Air Jordans went on sale today, with local stores reporting crowds of people trying to snatch up the retro shoes in time for Christmas.

"A handful of Foot Action and Foot Locker stores said customers filled their stores at 7 a.m.to buy the Air Jordan 11 (Air Jordan XI) Retro shoe. An hour later, the buyers -- and the shoes -- were gone.

The shoe is selling for $175.

An employee at the Foot Locker store on Campbellton Road that was burglarized early Tuesday said the thieves did not get any of his store's supply of Space Jam Jordans.

He said the store was jammed this morning with customers buying the new Jordans.

The line stretched down Decatur Street when Walter's opened at 8:30 a.m.

Store owner Jeff Steinbook, who counts numerous professional athletes among his customers, said he sold 44 pairs of the new shoes within minutes. He only had a handful of larger sizes left an hour later."

We already have learned that Black people don't like to brave the end of the line, and the chance to put a pair of Michael Jordan sneakers (retail price around $175.00) were yet another shining example of SBPDL:

"SACRAMENTO, CA -- The riot inside Arden Fair Mall caused quite a stir among those looking to purchase the new Nike Air Jordan's.

Surveillance video from just after midnight Wednesday caught footage of the fight that broke out in the line of fans waiting for the new basketball shoes.

There were no arrests and the crowd eventually dispersed.

Many of those unable to purchase the shoes at Arden Fair regrouped outside the Westfield Downtown Plaza on K Street."

Houston, Texas was home to similar scenes of euphoric Black people diligently scrambling to locate Air Jordan's, in scenes eerily reminiscent of Arnold Schwarzenegger's character from Jingle All the Way.

As the hottest foot ornament on the market, the Air Jordan XI also have the notoriety of being one of the only sneakers in history that required the SWAT Team to come and disband the unruly mob attempting to procure said shoe.

Christmas wouldn't be complete without a hot new toy for the masses to swoon over, and Black people love nothing more than wearing retro basketball shoes. However, Stuff Black People Don't Like includes not getting Air Jordan XI for Christmas, as not even Santa Clause himself would brave the lines at Foot Locker's throughout the nation to accommodate Black people's Christmas list, no matter how nice they might have been.

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SBPDL, returns... on the 24th of December

Hectic Christmas travel has prevented the posting of the remainder of the 12 days of SBPDL until the 24th and 25th of December!

We'll be posting a number of ideas in a flurry on the 24th of December. We hope you all have a blessed Christmas, and we hope you enjoy this website.

See you on the 24th... if you're lucky, we might let you open a present early.

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The Fourth Day of Christmas at SBPDL - Snow

We've had the distinct pleasure of introducing you, dear reader, to the inimitable Leonard Jeffries before and we find this auspicious moment a perfect opportunity to rekindle that intimate relationship.

A "White Christmas" has befallen a good portion of the United States and left a wintry residue upon the ground to welcome Santa and his eight reindeer on the 25th of December.

Why bring up this important point? One simple reason, for Mr. Jeffries has constantly railed against the insidious "Ice People", those devilish white people who enjoy building snow men and throwing hardened balls of snow at one another:

"Blacks are "sun people," Jeffries explains, and whites are "ice people." New York Newsday quoted Jeffries as telling his students last year, "Our thesis is that the sun people, the African family of warm communal hope, meets an antithesis, the vision of ice people, Europeans, colonizers, oppressors, the cold, rigid element in world history." Jeffries believes melanin, the dark skin pigment, gives blacks intellectual and physical superiority over whites."

Ice People, white people must be, for the distribution of Black people throughout the United States shows an aversion to areas to experience how levels of snow fall throughout the year (an incredible map that show geographic concentration of Black people in the United States can be found here).

The states with smallest Black population have an interesting correlation with the states that also have the highest snowfall per yer.

Jeffries might be correct in his "Sun People" theory, for 54 percent of the United States Black population resides in the southern portion of the nation, which has a humid subtropical climate.

A website, The Quintessential Negro, has an interesting commentary and hypothesis about this data and comes to a simple conclusion: Black people don't like cold weather.

Jeffries would like everyone to believe this is because White people are the descendants of "Ice People", which has some scientific basis:

"Some theories advanced before the 1970s tended to be racist, and others were less than convincing. White skin, for example, was reported to be more resistant to cold weather, although groups like the Inuit are both dark and particularly resistant to cold. After the 1970s, when researchers were presumably more aware of the controversy such studies could kick up, there was very little work at all. "It's one of these things everybody notices," Jablonski says, "but nobody wants to talk about."

Perhaps no event illustrates Black people and the winter of their discontent better than the Olympic Winter Games, an event that one individual stated:

"So try not to laugh when someone says these are the world's greatest athletes, despite a paucity of blacks that makes the winter games look like a GOP convention."

One movie dares showcase what transpires when Black people enter the monochromatic world of the Olympic Winter Games - Cool Runnings - to predictably hilarious results:

"Irving "Irv" Blitzer is an American bobsled double gold medalist at the 1968 Winter Olympics, who finished first in two events again in 1972 but was disqualified for cheating and retired in disgrace to Jamaica, where he leads a destitute life as a bookie. He is approached by top 100m runner Derice Bannock, who failed to qualify for the 1988 Summer Olympics when another opponent, Junior Bevil, tripped at the trials, and pushcart driving champion Sanka Coffie, who both wish to use his previous experience as a coach in order to compete in the 1988 Winter Olympics as bobsledders. Irv had been good friends with Derice's father, Ben, a former sprinter whom Irv had tried to recruit for the bobsled team years ago. Yul Brenner, another runner who was tripped at the qualifier by Junior, also joins the team. After Irv is convinced to coach the team, the three months of practice begins, initially resulting in embarrassment. However, the four men acclimate to the sport and travel to Calgary and the Olympics.

The Jamaicans' first day on the track results in, once more, embarrassment, and a last-place finish. The second day proves better; the Jamaican team finishes with a fast time which puts them in eighth position. For the first half of the final day's race it looks as though they will break the world bobsled speed record, until tragedy strikes; their sled, due to one of the blades falling off, flips on its side coming out of a turn towards the end of their run, leaving them meters short of the finish line. However, the team lifts their sled up and walks across the finish line to rousing applause from onlookers. The team, at the end, feels accomplished enough to return in four years to the next winter Olympics. A brief epilogue states the team returned to Jamaica as heroes, and upon their return to the Winter Olympics four years later, they were treated as equals."

Yes, Jamaica had a bobsled team, even though snow has never graced their wonderful island:

"The Jamaican four man Bobsled team debuted at the 1988 Winter Olympics in Calgary, Alberta. There they became a fan favorite due to the novelty of having such a warm country compete in a cold-weather sport. They did not finish because they lost control of the sled and crashed during one of their four runs. However, they showed significant improvement throughout the games and impressed observers with some fast starts. After crashing, they famously got out of their sled and walked with it to the finish line to great applause."

Black people find this story worthy of admiration, yet they also find snow a most unfortunate weather phenomenon to be stuck in and - as we have shown - live near.

However, some Black people are trying to enter the cold climate that only "Ice People" dare enter, as the National Brotherhood of Skiers is attempting to dispel horrid notions that "Sun People" don't like ice:

"The National Brotherhood of Skiers, one of the largest skiing groups in the U.S., has returned to the place of their first national summit.

“We are a collective Jackie Robinson, we gotta steal home base,” Brown said, referring to Robinson’s gutsy move during the 1955 World Series when he played for the Brooklyn Dodgers. Robinson was the first black Major League Baseball player to end baseball segregation.

“I wish I had gotten started earlier. Growing up I always heard ‘Black people don’t ski,’” she said.

Jahi agrees that this is the common conception of both blacks and whites, but the stereotype should disappear this week as the slopes of Snowmass are much more colorful.

Sponsors of the NBS summit include Anheuser-Busch, Black Enterprise Magazine, BET, American Airlines, Upscale Magazine, Avis, Budget and Christy Sports in Snowmass."

The NBS is constantly trying to melt away misconceptions of Black people and snow, working overtime to turn ski slopes into an amazing collection of "Black Ice":

"For years, the inconvenience of getting to resorts was a barrier to blacks, who mostly lived in urban and southern regions. The high cost of lift tickets, equipment, and lessons didn't help. Cultural habits have also played a role. According to David Becher, a senior researcher for Colorado marketing research firm RRC, the number of African-American skiers still remains low, at 2 percent. Four percent are Asian, 3 percent are Latino, and 1 percent are Native American.

"I want to ski with black folks," said Maxine Morgan, 44, of Queens, N.Y., as she rushed off to pick up lift tickets. "I know it sounds trite, but it's true. Skiing is a white thing, and you always stand out."

Added Elise LaMotte, 40, of Stoughton, who skis with the Boston Ski Party: "People are looking to have a good time with people who look like them."

Okolo Schwinn-Clanton, 31, of Methuen has been a member of the National Brotherhood of Skiers since the age of 3, and coaches young skiers to race. He said he often travels to competitions to represent "the only black face in the crowd" to cheer them. Schwinn-Clanton has seen the number of new skiers grow, but said he doesn't believe the industry is maximizing the potential of the black market. "If [the ski industry] understood the Tiger Woods phenomenon and how many blacks started playing golf, the ski industry would be doing everything they could," he said."

Sadly, golf never saw an actual Tiger Woods effect, and skiing isn't likely to see an influx of Black people to the slopes anytime, for Stuff Black People Don't Like includes snow, that horrifying white stuff that falls from the sky and envelopes the world in its quieting madness, an atavistic reminder to all "Ice People" of their true origins.

A "White Christmas" isn't one that Black people find conducive to a great Christmas, which is why most Black people try and have Christmas in Dixie, where it is usually quite warm.

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SBPDL - Blizzard of the Century

We'll be posting tonight. Have to dig out of an amazing blizzard that brought an early "White Christmas" to the eastern portion of the United States.

Hope everyone reading is safe and warm. We'll continue with our 12 Days of Christmas, SBPDL style tonight, and introduce a new entry into the official SBPDL list.

In the meantime, enjoy the wintry weather with your family and friends.

Volunteer and help dig a neighbor's car out of the snow, and then when you come back in to warm yourself by the fire, prepare for new entries to be uploaded at Stuff Black People Don't Like. You supply the hot chocolate, we'll supply the SBPDL.

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Raymond Martinez - the Ultimate SBPDL

For nearly six months we at SBPDL have been chronicling Stuff Black People Don't Like, and in the process left some people incapable of discerning what the true endgame of the site is and more importantly, why have embarked and such a seemingly Quixotic quest.

One of those reasons is simple: We have been searching for the ultimate manifestation of SBPDL and we have finally found an individual who encompasses the characteristics required for inclusion in the SBPDL Hall of Fame.

His name? Raymond Martinez:

"Guns, drugs, prostitutes and an endless stream of expletives filled the rap lyrics — and the life — of Raymond Martinez, the Times Square gunman who shot off two rounds from his MAC 10 before an NYPD officer took him down late Thursday morning.

When he wasn’t running CD scams on tourists in Times Square, the 25-year-old Bronx native — rap name “Ready” — was likely hanging with his buddies, drinking, smoking pot and laying down tracks, according to his friends.

“I’ll break your legs, have your brains looking like eggs,” Martinez raps in one song."

“Square Free” has a MySpace page with several images of their front man, Martinez. In a chilling harbinger of things to come, one image was digitally altered to make it look like Martinez was standing in the blood-spattered entryway of his apartment building with a machine gun lying at his feet.

Another picture shows him smoking what appears to be marijuana and a third is a cartoonish depiction of a man carrying a huge gun with a caption reading “THEM SUCKERS AINT TAKIN ME NO WHERE…”

It will be a difficult feat to duplicate the stupendous success that this Black gentlemen managed in his short-life, for he is one of the finest representations of SBPDL to ever grace the United States, as his esteemed presence is testament to the importance of this website.

How about some more background on this strange story out of New York City:

"Raymond Martinez was running a common scam on the throngs of holiday tourists in Times Square, pushing shoppers to buy his CDs, police said. But Martinez was no ordinary peddler, they said: He was carrying a loaded pistol and had a handful of business cards from gun dealers in his pockets.

The 25-year-old was shot to death by a plainclothes police sergeant Thursday after trading gunfire in the taxi area of the landmark Marriott Marquis hotel.

Sgt. Christopher Newsom operates a task force that monitors aggressive panhandling and was patrolling with an anti-crime unit when he recognized Martinez and his brother from past run-ins. He asked the two for their tax stamps, which allow peddlers to sell on the streets. But Martinez took off running, through to the hotel's passenger drop-off area.

Newsom pursued, and Martinez turned and fired with a machine pistol that held 30 rounds, getting off two shots before it jammed, police said. The officer fired four times, striking Martinez in the chest and arms and killing him, police Commissioner Raymond Kelly said.

"We're lucky the weapon jammed," Kelly said."

Lucky his weapon jammed? Don't these people know that SBPDL includes gun safety! And worse, this whole incident could have been avoided had Mr. Martinez just cooperated with the police!

Apparently, Mr. Martinez didn't find the rap song "F*** tha Police" a merely fictitious diddy, for he prepared to engage the police in a scene worthy of the OK Corral:

"NYPD Sergeant Christopher Newsom, a 17-year veteran of the force, shot and killed Martinez in front of the Marriot Marquis after the street vendor ran from him and fired two rounds before his gun jammed, the New York Times reported.

Martinez, who rapped under the alias "Ready," held the gun sideways and parallel to the ground, a style popular in rap videos, and that caused it to "stovepipe," or jam, according to the New York Post.

There were 27 rounds left in the gun."

Interestingly, Mr. Martinez was a devout fan of Myspace (page here), and found Facebook less desirable.

Better than that though, is Mr. Martinez disgust at rap music going soft, for he was an aspiring spinner of words into rhythmically enhanced verbiage:

"An up-and-coming rapper by the name of Ready had a brush with fame before his life was taken last Thursday in NYC's Times Square. In 2008, Ready (born Raymond Martinez) squared off with Grammy Award-winning rapper/producer Kanye West during an episode of MTV’s “Hood Fab.”

Ready pulled out a last-minute victory during his “Hood Fab” challenge with Ye and received a package of tube socks and a Footlocker gift certificate."

Mr. Martinez (or Mr. Ready) found the wonderfully gifted Kanye West, to be a chump in the annals of real-life gangsta rap star, for he lived a full life and died a true to his roots (a video of Kanye and Mr. Ready can be found here).

Will this incident become yet another Sean Bell ordeal? Or will the melancholy ending of Mr. Ready's life become yet another wasted soul in the endless parade of Stuff Black People Don't Like?

Only time will tell... and only SBPDL will report.

Rest In Peace, Mr. Ready. You lived a life true to SBPDL principles and for that, you will never be forgotten.

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The Third Day of Christmas at SBPDL: The Holy Triumvirate of Christmas Movies

Christmas is the time of year where family gather together to remember the past, celebrate cherished memories and reminisce upon kin long since gone, but not forgotten.

Black people, though more than 70 percent are born out of wedlock, love Christmas. As we learned in our article on gay marriage, Black people are deeply religious and find the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ one of the most important days in the year.

One of the best ways to foster conversation around the Christmas tree among family is to bring up the last cultural unifier in America: movies. Neither regionalism nor rural area can escape the all-mighty reach of Hollywood and the power of cinema to shape national attitudes and mores is unquestioned.

Christmas makes a perfect backdrop for Hollywood to create magic that the entire family can enjoy, year end and year out. Family films that depict the glories of Christmas in contemporary settings and of Christmas’ long, long ago have the edifying power of binding the generations present in ways that no amount of egg nog can.

Already, we have discussed one film – Holiday Inn – that Black people find despicable, due to one of the most offensive Black-face scenes in Hollywood history. That particular film introduced the world to the glorious song, “White Christmas”, and stars the incomparable Bing Crosby.

However, three Christmas films are constantly found viewed by families around the holiday, as they represent the Holy Triumvirate of Christmas films. And yet, these films – cherished by all who view them – leave Black people in a disquieting sense of alienation from the United States, for they were all made in Pre-Obama America and all have the common denominator of having absolutely no Black people of significance in them.

In fact, when watching these films, one gets the sense that the song White Christmas is redundant and the holiday is not only blanketed in a climate of continuous snow, but a blizzard of whiteness.

Those films that comprise the Holy Triumvirate are “It’s a Wonderful Life”, “A Christmas Story” and “Christmas Vacation”, and all have the similarity of being about white people (and families) celebrating Christmas in unique ways and all in different decades (1940, 1950 and the 1980s respectively) that has the calming effect of reassuring white America that a strong homogeneous nation once existed and its genesis was The Greatest Generation.

Black people view these films with a brooding sense of incredulity, for these films callously disregard Black people and their many contributions to American life.

Take “It’s a Wonderful Life” for example. The lone Black character in the film is a maid/cook of the Bailey’s, the films protagonists and the virtuous saviors of Bedford Falls. How can a family that helps the little people of Bedford Falls have the audacity to have a Black person – a virtual slave – and still be well liked by the town? What’s the film all about?:

It's a Wonderful Life is a 1946 American drama film produced and directed by Frank Capra and loosely based on the short story "The Greatest Gift" written by Philip Van Doren Stern.

The film takes place in the fictional town of Bedford Falls shortly after World War II and stars James Stewart as George Bailey, a man whose imminent suicide on Christmas Eve gains the attention of his guardian angel, Clarence Odbody (Henry Travers) who is sent to help him in his hour of need. Much of the film is told through flashbacks spanning George's entire life and narrated by Franklin and Joseph, unseen Angels who are preparing Clarence for his mission to save George.

Through these flashbacks we see all the people whose lives have been touched by George and the difference he has made to the community in which he lives.”

George Bailey is a fine example of the All-American white guy and to see a movie that is watched yearly by millions of people portray a pale-face in such a glowing manner is too much for Black people to take.

Watching the film is like looking at a portrait or photograph of a long-dead family member you never knew, for the movie shows a United States that no longer exists and yet, “It’s a Wonderful Life” has the eerie ability to pull you into this picturesque town and never let you go. Black people sense this as well, and realize they don’t quite belong in Bedford Falls.

In the second Christmas classic, “A Christmas Story”, the city of Cleveland plays host to the tale of boy in search of the ultimate toy: a Red-Ryder BB Gun and the anticipation of Christmas’ arrival:

“The film is set in the fictional city of Hohman (based on real-life city of Hammond, Indiana). 9-year-old Ralphie Parker wants only one thing for Christmas: "an official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock, and this thing which tells time." Between run-ins with his younger brother Randy and having to handle school bully Scut Farkus, and his sidekick Grover Dill, Ralphie does not know how he will ever survive long enough to get the BB gun for Christmas.

The plot revolves around Ralphie's overcoming a seemingly insurmountable obstacle to his owning the precious Red Ryder BB gun: the fear that he will shoot his eye out. In each of the film's three acts, Ralphie makes his case to another individual; each time he is met by the same retort. When Ralphie asks his mother for a Red Ryder BB gun for Christmas, she says, "No, you'll shoot your eye out." Next, when Ralphie writes a theme about wanting the BB gun for Miss Shields, his teacher at Warren G. Harding Elementary School, Ralphie gets a C+, and Miss Shields writes "P.S. You'll shoot your eye out" on it. Finally, Ralphie asks an obnoxious department store Santa Claus for a Red Ryder BB gun, and Santa responds, "You'll shoot your eye out, kid. Merry Christmas! Ho, ho, ho!", before pushing Ralphie down a long slide with his boot.”

In this film, unlike “It’s a Wonderful Life”, nary a Black person has a speaking part. There is a Black child in Ralphie’s class, but he fails to garner a speaking credit and instead looks on in horror at Flick’s taking up the dreaded Triple-Dog dare and getting his tongue stuck to a flag pole.

“A Christmas Story” is more bleached than even “It’s a Wonderful Life” and worse, TBS plays the film for 24-hours straight on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, which has the undeniably crippling effect of harming young Black people’s self-esteem, for they are but an afterthought in a film that showcases the overwhelming whiteness of American history.

“Christmas Vacation” is a film produced by Black people’s least favorite director, John Hughes, and paints a rather boring picture of Mein Obama’s adopted hometown of Chicago for its unbearable and overpowering whiteness. Thankfully, a Black person is given a semi-power of authority, this time in the guise of a police chief at the end of film. Otherwise though, Black people are conspicuously absent from this hilarious Yule-tide comedy, that stars Chevy Chase in all his campy glory:

“The movie begins with Clark taking his family on the search for a perfect Christmas tree. After aggravating nearby motorists, getting stuck under a big rig, and walking in the woods for a long time, Clark finally finds said tree. (He digs the tree out himself because he forgot the saw.) Clark breaks several windows and gets covered in tree sap setting it up, as it barely fits in the yard, let alone the living room.

While shopping for gifts at a downtown Chicago department store, Clark meets a saleswoman named Mary (Nicolette Scorsese). He makes a series of Freudian slips to her on their first encounter, and later fantasizes about her skinny-dipping in his future pool (interrupted by his cousin in law's daughter).

Clark has been working on a project at his firm which he expects will bring in a good Christmas bonus. Clark plans to use the bonus to put in a swimming pool, which he has already laid down a $7,500 deposit on.

As Christmas approaches, the many members of Clark's extended family begin arriving to stay with him. Clark's and Ellen's parents are the first to arrive. This drives him to go set up the lighting on the house with his son Rusty. He covers nearly every inch of the home's exterior and yard with lights (according to Clark himself, a grand total of 25,000 Christmas lights). Clark becomes very frustrated after many attempts to get the lights working. Unknown to him, the electricity wasn't on to begin with. When Ellen heads to the back store room to get something, she clicks a light switch, lighting the house (and causing the power plant to switch to nuclear generators for backup power), and blinding their unfriendly yuppie neighbors. After the lights are up and running, Ellen's cousin-in-law and cousin, Eddie and Catherine, along with their children show up to stay with him for a month, with their dilapidated, rusty RV parked in the driveway the whole time.”

All three films are constantly shown on television around Christmas and all three films reinforce an ugly historical fact to Black people in the United States: like in the film “It’s a Wonderful Life”, Black people get to see a world in which they have no real power in the country and in some cases, how the country operated if they weren't even apart of it or born.

When young Black people watch these films, they are forced to ponder this unfortunate reality, for the Holy Triumvirate of Christmas movies chronicle celluloid worlds where Black people don’t exist in any significant roles.

Black people aren't even mentioned at all in these films, as the white people in all three movies seem blissfully ignorant of their even existence.

Stuff Black People Don't Like includes the Holy Triumvirate of Christmas movies, for all three films are awash in whiteness and lack any color or divine Black presence. These films are part of the imperialistic and racist white America of old, and every Christmas, Black people are forced to remember that nation and white people are once again reminded of the nation that is lost to them forever, yet immortalized in three grand old films.

The films take place a total of 90 years apart and showcase white people in the 20th century and yet, like an old family portrait of family members never met, these films have the unnerving power of acting as a fine eulogy for white America.

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The Second Day of Christmas at SBPDL: "Do They Know It's Christmas?"

Christmas in the United States is a magical time of shopping, wrapping gifts, putting up a Christmas tree and decorating the house with lights in a duel with your neighbors to create the most festive and maddening display of yule tide expression.

It is a holiday that's increasingly secular, with an emphasis on asserting the validity behind the legend of Santa Clause and perpetuating this important myth to teach children the power of imagination and belief in a legend steeped in the greatness of altruism:

"Santa Claus, also known as Saint Nicholas, Father Christmas, Kris Kringle or simply "Santa", is a legendary figure who, in many Western cultures, brings gifts to the homes of the good children during the late evening and overnight hours of Christmas Eve, December 24 or on his Feast Day, December 6 (Saint Nicholas Day)."

Sadly, not everyone gets to celebrate Christmas and enjoy the fruits of Santa's elves labor on the 25th. For there exists a continent so unspeakably brutal and nightmarish that the birthday of the son of God himself can't bring peace, harmony and joy to it: Africa.

Or so one is inclined to believe when they listen to the hauntingly incontinent song, "Do They Know It's Christmas?", a song that brings together the top mid-1980s British rockers to croon in harmony about the endless insanity of life in Africa and the importance of the West to do something about it:

"Do They Know It's Christmas?" is a song written by Bob Geldof and Midge Ure in 1984 to raise money for relief of 1984–1985 famine in Ethiopia. The original version was produced by Midge Ure and released by Band Aid on 29 November 1984.

In late 1984, a BBC report by Michael Buerk was aired highlighting the famine that had hit the people of Ethiopia. Irish singer Bob Geldof saw the report and wanted to raise money. He called Midge Ure from Ultravox and together they quickly co-wrote the song, "Do They Know It's Christmas?"

The world's media were in attendance as artists began arriving from 9am. Duran Duran, Spandau Ballet, Paul Young, Culture Club (without Boy George, initially), George Michael of Wham!, Kool and the Gang, Sting, Bono and Adam Clayton of U2, Glenn Gregory of Heaven 17 (whom Ure personally ordered down) and his bandmate Martyn Ware, Phil Collins, Paul Weller of the Style Council, Francis Rossi and Rick Parfitt of Status Quo, Jody Watley of Shalamar, Bananarama, Marilyn (who was not invited but arrived anyway) and some of Geldof's bandmates from the Boomtown Rats all arrived.

Only one of Ure's Ultravox colleagues, Chris Cross, attended. Geldof, noticing Boy George's non-attendance (despite ringing him up in New York the day before demanding he sing on the record), went back to the phone to get the Culture Club frontman out of bed and on to Concorde."

Sting, Bono and Boy George (when he wasn't cruising London bathrooms for conjugal visits), George Michael and the rest of England's only remaining export (pop music) gathered in one venue to extol the virtues of altruism and bringing light to the dark continent in the form of a whimsical rock song are the primary ingredients for a hit song:

"The 1984 original became the biggest selling single in UK singles chart history, selling a million copies in the first week alone. It stayed at Number 1 for five weeks and ultimately sold more than 3.5 million copies domestically.

It remained the largest selling single in UK chart history until 1997, when Elton John's "Candle in the Wind 1997" was released in tribute to the late Diana, Princess of Wales, which sold almost 5 million copies in Britain."

"Do They Know It's Christmas?", is the ultimate Disingenuous White Liberal Christmas song and bespeaks an attitude of smug apathy to a world that most white people would gladly send a check to help as long as they never have to view the unpleasant mess that Darwin would have difficulty explaining.

Let's take a look at the lyrics of this Christmas classic:

Paul Young
It's Christmas time, there's no need to be afraid
At christmas time, we let in light and we banish shade

Boy George
And in our world of plenty, we can spread a smile of joy!
Throw your arms around the world at christmas time

(Phil Collins on the drums)

George Micheal
But say a prayer - pray for the other ones
At christmas time

Simon Le Bon
it's hard, but when you're having fun
There's a world outside your window

Sting and Simon Le Bon
And it's a world of dreaded fear
Where the only water flowing is a bitter sting of tears
And the christmas bells that ring there are the clanging chimes of doom

Bono
Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you

And there won't be snow in Africa this christmas time
The greatest gift they'll get this year is life

Where nothing ever grows
No rain or rivers flow

Do they know it's christmas time at all?

Here's to you
Raise your glass for everyone
Here's to them
Underneath that burning sun

Do they know it's christmas time at all?

Feed the world
Feed the world
Feed the world
Let them know it's christmas time and
Feed the world
Let them know it's christmas time and
Feed the world
Let them know it's christmas time and
Feed the world
Let them know it's christmas time and
Feed the world
Let them know it's christmas time and
Feed the world
Let them know it's christmas time
I hope you like this song even though its not christmas!

Saving Black people is the cause célèbre of all enlightened white people across the world, and if only this song were taken to heart by all the melanin-slighted individuals in the West, Africa would no longer be the land where the "only water flowing, is a bitter sting of tears."

Black people in the West listen to this Christmas song and gag, for only disingenuous white liberals would dare put pen to paper and create a song of this nature, then enlist the help of vapid celebrities to sing about Africa, a land "where nothing ever grows, no rain or rivers flow."

Haven't these people heard of Africa by Toto?

Is Africa that backward that the only person capable of saving the continent and it's ever growing population is Bono and his band of pop-rock singers?:

JUST WHEN IT SEEMED that Western images of Africa could not get any weirder, the July 2007 special Africa issue of Vanity Fair was published, complete with a feature article on "Madonna's Malawi." At the same time, the memoirs of an African child soldier are on sale at your local Starbucks, and celebrity activist Bob Geldof is touring Africa yet again, followed by TV cameras, to document that "War, Famine, Plague & Death are the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse and these days they're riding hard through the back roads of Africa."

It's a dark and scary picture of a helpless, backward continent that's being offered up to TV watchers and coffee drinkers. But in fact, the real Africa is quite a bit different. And the problem with all this Western stereotyping is that it manages to snatch defeat from the jaws of some current victories, fueling support for patronizing Western policies designed to rescue the allegedly helpless African people while often discouraging those policies that might actually help.

The real Africa needs increased trade from the West more than it needs more aid handouts. A respected Ugandan journalist, Andrew Mwenda, made this point at a recent African conference despite the fact that the world's most famous celebrity activist — Bono — was attempting to shout him down. Mwenda was suffering from too much reality for Bono's taste: "What man or nation has ever become rich by holding out a begging bowl?" asked Mwenda.

Do they know it's Christmas time at all? What a perplexing question to be asked by pompous white pop-rock talent, for the world as we know it originated in Africa! More important, Black people in America listen to this song and cringe, for Black people instinctively believe anytime white people speak of Africa they automatically are speaking in a dichotomous derogatory/enlightened sense.

The cover of the single speaks volumes as to how white people view Blacks, for it features white, well-dressed families enjoying Christmas, while two sickly Black people appear in the middle sans clothes, parents and hope.

Stuff Black People Don't Like includes "Do They Know It's Christmas?", a song that eloquently describes how Disingenuous White Liberals view the world. Beautifully harmonized by pop-rocks top talent, Black people have the honor of being serenaded by white people bent on "throwing their arms around the world at Christmas time."

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