#217. The Reality of Baltimore

The era that gave us Sherman McCoy and Patrick Bateman also gave us "Tarzan Boy," by Baltimora. This particular song encapsulates the fun and frivolity of the 1980s:

"Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
(4 volte)

Jungle life
You're far away from nothing
It's all right
You won't miss home

Take a chance
Leave everything behind you
Come and join me
Won't be sorry
It's easy to survive"

Yes, the song from the Listerine commercials is the perfect segue into today's topic, the lovely city of Baltimore. The theme song of that particular city is henceforth Baltimora's "Tarzan Boy" for the lyrics encompass life in that fair city quite accurately:

"An increasing number of Baltimore residents and tourists have been victims of random, unprovoked attacks in the downtown area over the past month by roving groups of young people, even as police beef up their presence around the Inner Harbor.

Many of the assaults, which have been reported in areas within walking distance of the harbor, follow a similar pattern. The victims report being attacked from behind while they walk, punched and kicked in the head and upper body by groups of males and females. Items are rarely taken, and few, if any, words are spoken.

Not even police are immune from the attacks: An off-duty officer from New Jersey said he and his girlfriend were beaten in the downtown area last weekend by males and females who he believed were gang members.

"In the past, we have never felt unsafe in your city, but we most certainly do now," George Williams, a 35-year-old patrol officer from Brick Township, N.J., wrote in a letter to Mayor Sheila Dixon. "Your office, as well as your police command staff, has an obligation to keep all citizens living in and/or visiting the city safe and that is simply not happening."

Jungle-life and savagery are over taking the once fair city of Baltimore, which would no longer be recognizable to H. L. Mencken:

"As of the 2005-2007 American Community Survey conducted by the U.S. Census Bureau, White Americans made up 31.4% of Baltimore's population; of which 30.4% were non-Hispanic whites. Blacks or African Americans made up 63.8% of Baltimore's population; of which 63.6% were non-Hispanic blacks. American Indians made up 0.3% of the city's population; of which 0.2% were non-Hispanic. Asian Americans made up 1.9% of the city's population."

Baltimore is a city was the hometown of one of the first black-on-white bus beatings (two others happened in Oregon and St. Louis), as public transportation offers ample opportunity to attack defenseless people:

"A white woman beaten by a group of black students on a bus has prompted a hate-crime investigation, attempts by transit officials to reassure riders of the safety of the system, and radio talk-show chatter over comparisons with the Jena Six case."

Baltimore is a city that has a dramatically high crime rate and this outburst in criminality is seemingly prompted uniquely by Black people against either white or Black people:

"Police believe a long-running dispute between drug organizations contributed to an unprecedented eruption of violence on Baltimore's east side Sunday night that left at least 18 people shot, including two who died.

Twelve of the victims were struck at a backyard cookout that left a pregnant woman and a 2-year-old child injured, an incident that police say prompted a running gun battle between two vehicles three hours later.

Mayor Sheila Dixon called the shootings a "cowardly act" and implored the community to come forward with tips, as police directed dozens of additional officers into the eastern and southeastern districts."

Just how bad is crime in Baltimore (they have a blog dedicated to just covering crime, and a real-time map that shows crimes as they're reported) you might ask? Well, they rank 1st in homicide ( and remember, citizens of Baltimore worship an NFL football player - Ray Lewis - who has questionable past in Atlanta, where he was tried for murder):

"Baltimore saw fewer killings last year than any other in the past two decades, but data released this week show the city's homicide rate ranked the highest among the nation's cities with a population of more than 500,000.

Despite recording its lowest number of killings in 20 years, Baltimore experienced 37 homicides per 100,000 residents last year, ahead of Detroit, which had 34 per 100,000 residents, according to data compiled by the FBI.

While the District of Columbia was not included in FBI data, it appears to rank third, with about 31 killings per 100,000 residents. No other city with a population of more than 500,000 came close; Philadelphia had the next highest rate, with 22 homicides per 100,000 people."

Yes, Baltimore is the crime mecca of America, and they have a football team - the Baltimore Ravens - that strive to be a purer representative of the city, with Ray Lewis as the face of the franchise:

"Despite his accomplishments on the field, Lewis' public image was tarnished following a Super Bowl XXXIV party in Atlanta on January 31, 2000. Following the party, a fight broke out between him and rapper Chino Nino's entourage, in which Jacinth Baker, 21, and Richard Lollar, 24, died from stab wounds. Lewis and two companions, Reginald Oakley and Joseph Sweeting, were brought to an Atlanta police station for questioning. Eleven days later, along with Oakley and Sweeting, Lewis was indicted for murder and aggravated assault.

During the trial, several witnesses whose testimony would supposedly prove Lewis’ guilt had altered their stories initially given to investigators.^{[citation needed]} Their testimonies were supposed to show that Ray Lewis hit, kicked or stabbed someone, and that he even admitted as much afterwards. Instead, the vast majority of testimony had either been inconclusive, or else supported the defense’s contention that Lewis acted solely as a peacemaker, trying to prevent a tragedy that he would be tied to and potentially hurt his career. According to ESPN legal analyst, Alan J. Baverman, "as to Ray Lewis, there is no evidence that he assisted anybody in a stabbing or encouraged anybody to do a stabbing which would make him a party to felony murder, malice murder, or felony assault with a knife."

Lewis's attorney arranged with prosecutors to dismiss the murder charges if Lewis pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor charge of obstruction of justice in exchange for him testifying against Oakley and Sweeting. Lewis accepted the plea bargain and was sentenced to one year of probation. He was not suspended by the NFL but was fined US$250,000, a league record at the time."

Lewis got off for his crime, which is exactly what another criminal did in a recent "conviction" in Baltimore for the murder of a white girl at a liquor store:

No jail time for a young woman's brutal killer--is this justice? By Richard E. Vatz August 4, 2009

Less than a year ago, a beautiful and wonderful citizen by all accounts, Aysha Ring, was viciously murdered by David Briggs--stabbed to death while standing in line at a convenience store. The perpetrator has been found not criminally responsible and is committed to the Clifton T. Perkins Hospital Center in Jessup. He will serve no jail time and will be re-evaluated in a year for possible release, although prosecutor S. Ann Brobst told this writer that her office will ensure that does not occur.

According to the Maryland Annotated Code, a defendant may be found "not criminally responsible" if, due to a mental disorder, a preponderance of the evidence indicates that he or she cannot "appreciate the criminality" of his or her conduct or "conform [his or her] conduct to the requirements of the law."

Even the current mayor of Baltimore, Shelia Dixon, has decided to get in on the action of crime in the city, this time in hording gift cards for the homeless for herself:

"Sheila Dixon faces 12 charges, including perjury, theft, fraudulent misappropriation by a fiduciary and misconduct in office, according to ABC2 News, our sister station in Baltimore.

According to Maryland state prosecutors, Dixon received gifts from a real estate developer that same year. The gifts included travel, hotels and a gift certificate. State prosecutors say she used that certificate to buy gift cards. Later that year, state prosecutors say Dixon received Best Buy gift cards, which she used to buy a Play Station 2, CDs and DVDs.

In December 2005, state prosecutors say real estate developers gave Dixon Target & Best Buy gift cards. According to the indictment, Dixon told a developer that the cards would be given to needy families. But according to the charges, Dixon used 19 of the 20 Best Buy cards to buy a Digital Camcorder, a Playstation 2 and other electronics for her personal use.

In December 2006, Old Navy, Best Buy & other gift cards were given to the Mayor to give to needy families. But prosecutors say she used them to buy an Xbox 360, PlayStation portable, clothes and other things. According to the indictment, some of the cards were given to her staff at an office Christmas party.

Mayor Dixon (today) escaped most of the charges, however it is unclear if she is expected to give back the gifts she purchased with the gift cards intended for homeless people:

"The jury convicted Mayor Sheila Dixon on one count of fraudulent misappropriation by a fiduciary.

Dixon was acquitted of felony theft charges.

The jury couldn't reach an unanimous decision on count six. The judge declared a mistrial. The state has until the end of the week to decide whether to refile the charges related to that count.

After the verdict was read, Dixon promised that the city will continue to run."

Life in Baltimore, beautifully crystallized in the form of a song by Baltimora, will undoubtedly "continue to run". Or you could just go watch The Wire on DVD to see the reality of Baltimore, for the is precisely the Stuff That Black People Don't Like. If you plan to visit Baltimore, prepare to enter the realm of a city known for criminality and ponder the last stanza of Poe's "The Raven",to consider the fate of that once proud city:

And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door; And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadows on the floor; And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor Shall be lifted--nevermore!

Baltimore has elected a mayor that represents the town beautifully (and cheers on a football team with a questionable linebacker prowling the field), and somewhere, someway, H. L. Mencken is smiling, for the reality of Baltimore is yet another example of Stuff Black People Don't Like.

Unlike in "Tarzan Boy", Baltimore isn't the easiest place to survive.

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#619. Rush Limbaugh Owning an NFL Franchise

In the 2008, Barack Obama was elected president with nearly unanimous support from Black people:

“Fully 96 percent of black voters supported Obama and constituted 13 percent of the electorate, a 2-percentage-point rise in their national turnout. As in past years, black women turned out at a higher rate than black men.”

Previously, we have discussed how SBPDL includes Republicans, those vile creatures who bend over backward in trying to get Black people to vote Republican, with the results mirroring those of the Coyote trying to capture the elusive Road Runner in the cartoon.

No amount of Acme products could help the Coyote in his struggle, and no amount of pandering will help attract Black people to the GOP, for the pull of Zod-Obama will never fade.

Republicans are viewed as evil white men by Black people, and the idea of being a “conservative” is – to Black people – just a step away from donning white sheets.

Thus, any attempt to court the Black vote will end in bitterness and disappointment and putting Michael Steele as the head of the GOP will have the same effect of inducing Black people to vote Republican as Morehouse banning grillz, do-rags, belt-less pants (apparently those in charge of that Historical Black College read SBPDL).

Thus, it is interesting to note Rush Limbaugh’s rejected bid to become a minority (the thought of Limbaugh being a minority is quite ironic) of the National Football League’s St. Louis Rams franchise:

"Conservative radio personality Rush Limbaugh lashed out at NFL union leader DeMaurice Smith, activists Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson and the media a day after being dropped from a group trying to buy the St. Louis Rams.

On his syndicated show Thursday, Limbaugh said he was approached by St. Louis Blues chairman Dave Checketts earlier this year about participating in a Rams bid. Checketts assured him his involvement as a minority investor had been vetted by the NFL, he said.

"I said to him at this meeting, 'Are you aware of the firestorm?' He said 'We wouldn't have approached you if we hadn't taken care of that,' " said Limbaugh, a conservative favorite who is reviled by many liberals."

Limbaugh, you see, is a Republican, and thus already qualified for SBPDL. But he is also someone who once said unflattering truths about Donovon McNabb and the media’s love affair with Black quarterbacks.

Thus, for pointing out this unpleasant truth, Black people and Black athletes in the NFL (the NFL is roughly 65 percent Black) had no desire to see Limbaugh become an owner, even a minority owner:

"Mathias Kiwanuka loves his former defensive coordinator Steve Spagnuolo, but the Giants' defensive end says he will never play for Spagnuolo's Rams if Rush Limbaugh purchases the team.

"All I know is from the last comment I heard, he said in (President) Obama's America, white kids are getting beat up on the bus while black kids are chanting 'right on,'" Kiwanuka told The Daily News. "I mean, I don't want anything to do with a team that he has any part of. He can do whatever he wants, it is a free country. But if it goes through, I can tell you where I am not going to play."

Limbaugh's controversial comments are well-known. He resigned from ESPN in 2003 after he said the media were "very desirous that a black quarterback do well" in reference to Philadelphia's Donovan McNabb being overrated. "If he's rewarded to buy them, congratulations to him," McNabb said during his weekly press conference. "But I won't be in St. Louis anytime soon."

Scott says players remember what Limbaugh said, and adds that the NFL would be wise not to allow the nationally syndicated host into the league. "It's an oxymoron that he criticized Donovan McNabb," Scott said. "A lot of us took it as more of a racial-type thing. I can only imagine how his players would feel. I know I wouldn't want to play for him. He's a jerk. He's an ---. What he said (about McNabb) was inappropriate and insensitive, totally off-base. He could offer me whatever he wanted, I wouldn't play."

Even worse than drawing the ire of Black football players is being berated by NFL Players executive director DeMaurice Smith. He sent an email out all but states that if Limbaugh is made an owner than no Black person will play for his team:

“I've spoken to the Commissioner [Roger Goodell] and I understand that this ownership consideration is in the early stages. But sport in America is at its best when it unifies, gives all of us reason to cheer, and when it transcends. Our sport does exactly that when it overcomes division and rejects discrimination and hatred.

In an e-mail to the union's executive committee on Saturday specifically addressing Limbaugh's bid, Smith said, "I've spoken to the Commissioner [Roger Goodell] and I understand that this ownership consideration is in the early stages. But sport in America is at its best when it unifies, gives all of us reason to cheer, and when it transcends. Our sport does exactly that when it overcomes division and rejects discrimination and hatred.

Even Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson are getting in on the fun for old time’s sake, as they did everything in their power to derail Limbaugh’s bid, even as 50,000 Black people marched in Detroit for stimulus checks:

Transcripts posted on the radio host's Web site also say that on a January 2007 show, Limbaugh commented: "The NFL all too often looks like a game between the Bloods and the Crips without any weapons. There, I said it.

Bloods and Crips, huh? Limbaugh might not have been too far from the truth with that one either, as names like Michael Vick, Donte Stallworth, Tank Williams, etc., stand out as potential gang members and they happen to all be Black people. Jeff Benedict documented how NFL players have horrible records with the law in a largely ignored book published in the 1990s, “Pros and Cons: The Criminals Who Play in the NFL”.

Limbaugh has an audience of 20 million white people that listen to every word with bated breath that El Rushbo decides to state (the top 2009 NFL match- up between the Vikings and Packers was viewed by 21 million recently).

The point is, Limbaugh is a force of nature that could wreck more havoc on Black people than Hurricane Katrina did, if he ever decided to unleash his minions:

"Last week, we saw white firefighters under assault by agents of Barack Obama and Sonia Sotomayor," said Limbaugh (emphasis his). He added: "Now, white policemen are under assault from the East Room of the White House, by the President of the United States, after admitting he had no--he didn't know all the facts, what went on in there.

White people follow the NFL more intently than any other race, but the time could come (economic collapse) that one of the few positive images that white people ever see of Black people comes to a crashing end. For, Sports have been the ultimate tool for integration in America, as all the government intervention can’t hope to duplicate the success that football, basketball and baseball have at creating a false sense of equality.

Those 20 million white people who listen to Limbaugh are getting a crash course in the new America, as their hero is publically lynched for merely making a factual statement about Black people and then being denied the chance at owning an NFL franchise.

Pre-Obama America is dead, and Limbaugh is yet another causality in the era of Mein Obama, as making any statement about Black people that is not positive in any manner is grounds for pitchforks and mobs shouting “racism”.

Limbaugh, never one to mince words, had this to say:

"Yeah, for some things possibly, but the big picture, the pursuit of truth is not a sprint, it's a marathon, and the truth always wins when it comes out. I know this for a fact. This is all not just about me. It's about every one of us and what kind of country we're going to have and the effort to discredit those who speak up for liberty, fairness, capitalism, freedom, those of us who speak up pose the biggest threat to the left in this country today. Individualism, rugged individualism, this is not desired, it's not wanted. And so anybody who has the ability to speak up and be persuasive about it is going to be targeted for a smear and for destruction.

This is not about the National Football League. It's not about the St. Louis Rams. That's just a subset. This is the latest in a long line of attempts by the left to discredit any of us who believe what we believe. Sarah Palin, the list is as long as I wanted to make it. And I wanted to make sure that I thank you all for your support, and I wanted to make sure you understood that I know exactly what this is all about, and I want you to also understand, I'm not even thinking of exiting. I'm not even thinking of caving. I am not a caver. None of us are. We have been betrayed by too many who have caved. Pioneers take the arrows. We are pioneers. It's a sad thing that our country over 200 years old now needs pioneers all over again, but we do.

In the end, those 20 million who listen to Limbaugh and hang on his every word have just got a crash course lesson in the reality of Obama’s America. Stuff Black People Don’t Like might include Rush Limbaugh not owning an NFL franchise, but the venom that was directed at Limbaugh will only turn those 20 million listeners further off from listening to Mein Obama.

So Limbaugh won’t have the honor of joining the all-white cast that masquerades as NFL owners in their spare time. Marge Schott was right anyways, Rush.

Instead of owning an NFL franchise, Limbaugh can do what millions of other white people do and play fantasy football. Then, as many Black people believe, he can carry out his innermost desire of owning and trading Black people.

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#73. Tim Tebow

Football has long been the great racial equalizer in the United States and perhaps the ultimate tool in bringing about equality in opportunity for Black people.

Pro Football was integrated in 1946 and Americans who had never conversed with Black people were now rooting them on as they scored touchdowns for the home team:

"The integration of major professional sports dealt a blow to segregation across the country, causing other racial barriers to fall," said Voinovich, a former mayor of Cleveland. "The players deserve to be recognized not only for their outstanding contributions on the field but for the vital roles they played in history."

College football integrated later, but used Black players from the former Confederate States as prized recruits. You see, Southern schools were some of the last to integrate (as we have discussed), and the Black players that were denied entry to all-white Southern universities found fertile grounds elsewhere (interestingly, most Black people now would be denied entry to many Southern school's and Northern school's, due to new, semi-rigorous standards, if they didn't excel at football).

As noted in a previous post, were it not for college football, most, if not all, major university's in the United States would have only a handful of Black people in attendance. Thank God for football, for without it, diversity would be non-existent at every college in America, sans Historical Black Colleges and Universities.

Indeed, without sports, it is hard to imagine Black people ever gracing the television screens in American households - remember, Black people are only 13 percent of the population - save for Cops, Tyler Perry shows and documentaries that deal with the unsavory elements of our society (we'll come back to this later).

Football is the end all in America, a religion that surpasses Christianity in devout followers across the land. On fall Saturday's and Sunday's, millions pray to the football Gods above to bestow upon their team a victory, and the demise of their lacking in piety opponent.

And yet, amidst the sacrosanct cathedrals that dot the national landscape and each Saturday and Sunday serve as the American version of the great pilgrimage to the Kaaba, a prodigal son has risen who single-handily has become the dominant force in all of football and threatens to revolutionize the game forever.

We are not talking about Michael Vick, a man who some thought would change the game forever, but instead become fodder for late-night comics.

No, we refer to Heisman Trophy winner Tim Tebow, a 22-year-old white quarterback who has been an integral part of two-national championship teams, a role-model and ambassador for the troubled sport and the epitome of all that a student-athlete can represent, as opposed to just athlete-students:

"Tebow was born on August 14, 1987 in the Philippines to Bob and Pam Tebow, who were serving as Christian missionaries at the time. While pregnant Pam suffered a life-threatening infection with a pathogenic amoeba. Because of the drugs used to rouse her from a coma and to treat her dysentery, the fetus experienced a severe placental abruption. Doctors expected a stillbirth and recommended an abortion to protect her life.

She carried Timothy to term, and both survived. All of the Tebow children were homeschooled by their mother, who worked to instill the family’s Christian beliefs along the way."

Tebow, the son of missionaries, didn't require the generosity of a white family to raise him from poverty - like Michael Oher - but instead had the loving support of his biological parents and the strong bond of Christianity that steered him in a positive direction.

His statistics in college have been incredible, and he is a front-runner for winning his second Heisman Trophy:

			Passing									Rushing
Season	Team		GP	Rating	Att	Comp	Pct	Yds	TD	INT		Att	Yds	TD
2006	Florida Gators		14	201.7	33	22	66.7	358	5	1		89	469	8
2007	Florida Gators		13	172.5	350	234	66.9	3286	32	6		210	895	23
2008	Florida Gators		14	172.4	298	192	64.4	2747	30	4		176	673	12
	Totals		41	183.2	681	448	65.8	6159	67	11		475	2037	43

However, scouts from the NFL wonder if he can produce the same results at the professional level and question whether he can even play quarterback at all:

"On how Tebow's quarterback skills might not transfer well to the NFL: "With a Tim Tebow, there will be a big adjustment to the NFL. It takes smart accuracy, and accuracy in college isn’t the same thing as in the NFL. He's not a pure pocket passer like a Matt Stafford. Can he make all the throws? Can he make all the reads? Can he learn to release the ball quicker? That remains to be seen."

On Tebow's final projection: "I’d say third or fourth round worst-case scenario, second round as a best case. Probably a third-rounder. That’s assuming his workouts are good."

However, it is not for these reasons that Tim Tebow is included in Stuff Black People Don't Like, but for reasons far more sinister and, odd as it may simple, out of resounding jealousy.

As stated, the national pastime is no longer baseball, but football, the sport most revered by men and the one which finds those whom participate in the game, as the most worshiped and beloved men in all the land.

Black people love football for it is how so many Black males attend college, and yet, as Jeff Benedict points out in his book Pros and Cons: The Criminals who Play in the NFL, few of these Black people learn any civic or ethics lessons there:

"According to the authors' extensive research into more than 500 criminal complaints against the league's recent players, a shocking percentage have been formally charged with committing a serious crime (rape, domestic violence, assault and battery, drug dealing, DUI, etc.). This alarming rate — and the gravity of these crimes — will stun even the most ardent NFL fan. This extraordinary book uncovers the true character behind heroes of the NFL and reveals the stories of the players who have turned America's most popular sport into a national disgrace."

This book, written 13 years ago, omits much that has transpired since then, for as Yogi Berra said, "It is hard to make predictions about the future." Michael Vick, Tank Williams, Pacman Jones and his predilection for "Making it Rain", Plaxico Burress, Donte Stallworth and a litany of other Black players had failed to even suit up for an NFL game when the book was written.

Steve McNair, a famous adulterer, was still in college.

According to Jon Entine, who wrote the book Taboo, Black people are perceived to have a monopoly of the genetic slice of athleticism that the DNA Gods bequeathed upon mankind:

"Asians are 57 percent of the world's population but are virtually invisible on the world stage of running, soccer, and basketball. The smallest of the world's major races, people of sub-Saharan African ancestry, are about 12 percent of the world's 6 billion population, yet their dominance of some sports is staggering. Blacks are 13 percent of the U.S. population but are: 80 percent of professional basketball players, 65 percent of professional football players, one-third of professional baseball players, and 70 percent of women's professional basketball players."

And yet, Tebow has been awarded so many trophies and accolades in his tenure as the Florida Gators quarterback that some wonder if every award shouldn't bear his name from now on.

Remember, it was Michael Vick that was to usher in the era of the new quarterback, prophesied with eerie exactness in the Oliver Stone movie, "Any Given Sunday", a film about a talented Black quarterback who would replace the pocket-passing white quarterback.

Yet, it was Vick who spent two-years in jail for his role in dog fighting, and Tim Tebow who ushered in the era of the "Wildcat" offense, as in 2006 he was a formidable passer and rusher out of the QB position for the Gators during their run to the BCS title.

Interestingly, Tebow has spent a lot of time behind bars and in jail(s) too, but not for reasons that mirror Vick's. No, Tebow spends his time in prison proselytizing hardened criminals and men whose vocation and avocation were murder, about the glory of God and Jesus Christ:

"At a time when Americans are leaving organized religion in large numbers, according to a 2008 Pew Research poll, Tebow is leading his own personal counterinsurgency. "Every Sunday we have a service for our players and their families," says Meyer, who remembers when "three or four kids would show up. Now the room's full." Since Tebow's arrival on campus, and in large part because of him, Florida has launched a series of community-service initiatives. Even as the football program has suffered an embarrassing string of arrests, the number of hours players devote to charitable causes has dramatically increased. "Our community service hours are completely off the charts," says Meyer, who describes his quarterback's influence on the team as "phenomenal."

"You should come with us to death row," he tells a reporter on the drive back to Gainesville. "It's gonna be great!"

On July 21, in fact, Tebow and Williams planned to head to the Florida State Prison in aptly named Starke. There, Tebow hoped to be allowed to speak to the 30 or so prisoners awaiting execution. The more incorrigible the inmate, the more Tebow relishes the chance to save him. "Sometimes it's those guys at rock bottom who are the ones looking for a change," he explains. If Lawtey was an early-season nonconference opponent for Tebow, death row was akin to Death Valley, as LSU's Tiger Stadium is known."

Tim Tebow is a college football mega-star, which means he is worshiped by the masses like few men before him, and even fewer will be after. He has the power to make grown men cry, when one of his perfect passes zips over the head of Black defensive back and ensures the Gators beat that grown man's alma mater.

Remember the Rush Limbaugh- Donovan McNabb crisis of 2003?:

"Let's review: McNabb, he said, is "overrated ... what we have here is a little social concern in the NFL. The media has been very desirous that a black quarterback can do well—black coaches and black quarterbacks doing well."

Of course you, the sports-fan who salivates for every statistic and rumor as a lonely house wive pines over her soap opera does, recall this event with great clarity. But are you prepared to deal rationally with the onslaught that will greet Tebow when he hears his name called in the 2010 Draft?

Tebow is the ultimate athlete and ambassador for the game, in fact the greatest player to ever lace up cleats in college football history. He happens to be white, enjoys spreading the word of Christ to large-congregations of Black people in prisons and yet, he won't be either an athlete who spends all his money nor one whom ends up in a book detailing the large rap sheets of NFL players.

Stuff Black People Don't Like includes Tim Tebow, the individual who has done more to shine a positive light on football then any student-athlete who came before, or will follow. His parents told he should be aborted, which many Black women do without any professional advice, Tebow is a child who never should have been. Steadfastly demolishing myths like "White Men Can't Jump" and striving to bring hope to Black people in prison (many of whom were once cheered by white alumni of college's and university's on the football field), unlike so many other privileged athletes.

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#163. The Wonderlic Test

Grown men and the young alike of all races spend untold hours of their day unproductively researching inane statistics of their favorite athletes and football teams; spending time carousing message boards such as Rivals.com and Scout.com to learn about the latest Black high school recruit that will sign with their alma mater; and waste months of their lives digesting every nugget of information regarding the National Football League (NFL) draft, an event that is now more celebrated than most men's wedding anniversary.

After the Super Bowl, men fret about the lack of sports to follow, but the creation of 21st centuries version of the Slave Meat Market has enabled white sports fans a continuance of football as they get the chance to salivate over future NFL players prior to their being drafted.

The NFL Draft is now a holy day that is beloved by white sports fans everywhere, for they get the opportunity to relive the days of their ancestors whom once partook in the buying and selling of Black people for their betterment. Then, it was slavery, now, it is for strictly entertainment purposes and the NFL offers wonderful jubilation.

Warren Sapp, a once talented defensive lineman in the NFL, confirmed this notion of a modern-day plantation, as he famously said:

"If you're a black man in America who makes money, you're supposed to just shut up."

Never one to shy away from a supportive analogy, Sapp added that NFL players are like "slaves," and the commissioner and league owners are like "slave masters."

The NFL Draft and the combines that lead up to it offer white people the chance to see a modern-day slave market in action, as Black people and the occasional white player (whites make up roughly 39 percent of the NFL rosters) are forced to run the 40-yard dash, perform the shuttle run, do as many reps of 225 on the bench press as they can, and, most importantly, take a Wonderlic Test.

What is the Wonderlic Test, you may ask? It is simply a test that measures an individual's IQ, and gives the potential employer of the Black athlete an opportunity to measure their intelligence:

"Wonderlic Personnel Test is a twelve-minute, fifty-question test used to assess the aptitude of prospective employees for learning and problem-solving in a wide range of occupations. The score is calculated as the number of correct answers given in the allotted time. A score of 20 is intended to indicate average intelligence ... corresponding to an intelligence quotient of 100."

Black people excel at the tests of physical endurance (as do many white players who post numbers equal or greater to the Black players), but have infamously been lousy at taking the Wonderlic. Vince Young famously scored a 6 out of 50 on his Wonderlic, and he has since demonstrated amazing intellect in the NFL, being benched and partaking in "Making it Rain" like his former teammate Pacman Jones.

As the story linked to above from USA Today tells us:

"A score of 20 indicates average intelligence. A 50 is a perfect score, which has rarely been achieved; former Bengals punter Pat McInally is believed to be the only player to ever get a 50. For the record, McInally attended Harvard."

McInally, besides being a lowly punter, is also white. So his score doesn't count, but Kevin Curtis - a white wide receiver who plays for the Philadelphia Eagles - scored a 48.

A sample question from the test that so perplexed Vince Young - and most other Black players - at the NFL's modern-day slave market:

"The first questions on the test are easy, but they get harder and harder.

An easy question: In the following set of words, which word is different from the others? 1) copper, 2) nickel, 3) aluminum, 4) wood, 5) bronze.

A tougher one: A rectangular bin, completely filled, holds 640 cubic feet of grain. If the bin is 8 feet wide and 10 feet long, how deep is it"

Black people find these questions very difficult and routinely score poorly on the Wonderlic, leaving the test feeling bemused and highly desirous of performing the 40-yard dash again to bolster their ego.

Some scores of Black athletes that white people pay money to worship for their entertainment value, that were drafted in the 2009 draft:

" Matt Stafford (white) proved that he's definitely pretty smart. Stafford scored a 38 on the Wonderlic which obviously boosts his stock. USC's Mark Sanchez (Hispanic) scored a 28 and Kansas State's Josh Freeman (Black) a 27, which is about average for QBs.

Seems the wide receiving corps is especially stupid this year. Michael Crabtree of Texas Tech scored a 15, Darrius Heyward-Bey of Maryland scored a 14, and Percy Harvin of Florida scored a 12. Not real good. But don't worry, there was someone who was worse. Hakeem Nicks of UNC wowed everyone with an 11. A score of 10 suggests a person is literate, so at least all of the receivers can read this, I hope."

All of the above receivers are Black people. It has been reported that receivers, a position dominated by Black people in the NFL - save for Wes Welker and the Colt's receiving core - have an average Wonderlic score of 17:

Offensive tackles: 26
Centers: 25
Quarterbacks: 24
Guards: 23
Tight Ends: 22
Safeties: 19
Middle linebackers: 19
Cornerbacks: 18
Wide receivers: 17
Fullbacks: 17
Halfbacks: 16

Regardless of the incredible poor performance of Black people on the Wonderlic, they continue to be drafted in numbers that consistently make them 69 percent of the NFL's entertainers and also the fodder of Jeff Benedict and his book exposing the criminal nature of 21 percent of NFL players (as of 1998) who had committed a serious crime.

The Wonderlic Test is a conundrum to Black people and a paradox to owners of NFL teams who will soon employ these 21st century indentured servants.

For, Stuff Black People Don't Like includes the Wonderlic Test, a bastion of whiteness in a sea of imminent Blackness. Black people wish this draconian IQ Test would go away or they could be absolved from taking it, as the low scores they consistently get cause their gushing white supporters to snicker at their intellectual inabilities.

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#155. Paternity Tests

Nothing is more insidious to black people then having to look at the results of paternity tests. The fecundity rate of black people is astounding, as evidence by former NFL player Travis Henry. Recently jailed for failing to pay child support for his ten children, through ten different wives, Mr. Henry is an example a black person who dislikes paternity tests.

This clip, from a popular television show, depicts the horror black people are confronted with after evidence of their progeny is conclusive.

Black people are horrified of the results paternity tests and will continue to deride and ignore the results of sound science.

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